I Was A Terrible Mother!

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 terrible mother

 

By Anonymous: 

It’s true! I was a terrible mother. To be honest, I didn’t even like being a mother. Yup, it’s true. I felt like I wasn’t meant to be a mom. Like, everyone around me knew what they were doing and they did it with such grace. And here I was barely nineteen, married with a three-month-old and another on the way, when in reality I could hardly wipe my ass on my own! I felt like an alien! 

The truth be told, I love my children, I do, I really do! But, back when they were still little and sucking the life out of me I resented them… Everything took a backseat to the kids, showers, eating, leisure time, your old dreams, the life you had prior to becoming a parent. Dreams that suddenly disappeared and were replaced with diaper changing, all night bottle feedings, non-stop crying, and those endless hours of waiting hand and foot on the entire family!  I felt like I was living someone else’s life, I was on the outside, watching myself go though all these daily motions. I hated it! And I knew most parents didn’t feel the same way I did. They loved being a mom, they loved the all-nighters, and the endless feeling of being “needed” by someone.    

Don’t get me wrong, my kids were well taken care of. In fact, I over compensated for my lack of the “motherly feeling” buy spoiling my children with material items on a regular basis.They had a clean home, nutritional meals prepared three times a day, fresh new clothes, and every toy their hearts desired. But still, they lacked what I would call a certain amount of affection. I didn’t feel affectionate. I didn’t fell like a loving mother “should” feel. I felt emotionless. I felt like a terrible parent.

I often wondered if my parenting friends felt the same way, or if I really were a heartless alien! I felt selfish with my lack of time, lack of self, where did I go and how did I get her. Having children wasn’t what I would call a thought-out process for me. It was more of an “expected” feeling I had. After all, all little girls grow up, get married and had babies. That’s what I thought I was suppose to do, So, I did. 

Here’s the odd part. As I got older, I loved being a mom, and I was good at it. I regretted many things in my past parenting and wished I could turn back time. I still wish I could turn back time. My children all turned out very well adjusted and all have great careers with family of their own now. It’s ironic, I’m a grandma and I could not be happier. I love those little buggers. I only wonder why it took me so long to find that “motherly feeling”? 

About Author

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LaDonna Dennis

LaDonna Dennis is the founder and creator of Mom Blog Society. She wears many hats. She is a Homemaker*Blogger*Crafter*Reader*Pinner*Friend*Animal Lover* Former writer of Frost Illustrated and, Cancer...SURVIVOR! LaDonna is happily married to the love of her life, the mother of 3 grown children and "Grams" to 3 grandchildren. She adores animals and has four furbabies: Makia ( a German Shepherd, whose mission in life is to be her attached to her hip) and Hachie, (an OCD Alaskan Malamute, and Akia (An Alaskan Malamute) who is just sweet as can be. And Sassy, a four-month-old German Shepherd who has quickly stolen her heart and become the most precious fur baby of all times. Aside from the humans in her life, LaDonna's fur babies are her world.

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Rosandra Simmons
6 years ago

I think we’ve all felt some of that at some point as moms. Some just don’t want to admit it. No one prepares you for the season of mothering young children. It’s hard, it’s messy, and we just figure it out as we go. Love your transparency.

LaDonna Dennis
6 years ago

Thanks Rosandra, I”m starting to learn more and more parents feel or have felt this way at one time or another in their lives.

Meredith Elizabeth
6 years ago

I have felt like a bad mother. But it’s usually do to self-serving bias. I figure I’m doing great, why shouldn’t they think the same and cooperate? It’s not that unreasonable, but largely unrealistic. But, at the end of the day, I love them more than life itself. Thank you for being so “real” and transparent with your post today. Blessings~

kungphoo
6 years ago

Even though you felt like that, i am sure your kids did not see you like that.

Malia
6 years ago

Feeling that way is totally understandable. Although I can’t say I felt the same, I can say that being a mother can be exhausting and overwhelming at times!

Elayna Fernandez ~ The Positive MOM

We are our own worst critics. I am sure your children think you were and are a super mom. And I agree. Everything you did was LOVE. I believe that love is NOT a feeling, it’s a choice.
Congratulations!

Becca Wilson
6 years ago

All of us have felt this way at one time or another. You’re not alone! Thanks for the great posting for some realizations that everyone feels this way at one point or another. I even chuckled a couple times 🙂

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