“My ex-husband and I were already married for 10 years when we decided to separate. If you’re wondering why it took that long, honestly, I don’t know, and neither can I figure out how and when the problem started. I even at first thought twice on the move as I was burdened with a lot of heart and mind boggling questions: Who’s going to get custody of our children? Who’ll run the family business? How will I start a new life on my own? What will our families and friends say about us? Deciding on whether to keep the marriage or not was hard, but the turning point was when marital issues were already affecting our jobs, families and especially our children, that’s when I finally decided to cut the rope.”
The most common reasons why couples split are infidelity, money, constant arguing, weight gain, unexpected expectations, lack of intimacy, lack of equality, unpreparedness for marriage and abuse. However, these are not root causes but physiological effects of a deeper problem which is making wrong decisions.
Take infidelity for example, there’s a very thin line between giving in to a third-party relationship and being faithful to your partner. Your choice between the two scenarios will influence your life in the future, where obviously, the prior will breed more problems like arguing, lack of intimacy, abuse, and worst, separation.
However, when you are already confronted with the overwhelming adversaries of the bad decisions you made — children misbehaving, underperformance in the workplace, forsaken duties to other family members and friends — then it’s high time for you to decide which next steps would be best. And if you both decided on getting divorced, do it right.
- Before you file a divorce case in the court, speak with your children. Make them understand the possible changes that will occur in the family, like mom and dad not living together anymore, the schedule of visits from one parent’s house to the other, and who will be in charge of some specific financial needs. But more importantly, make them feel reassured that, despite the separation, your love and care for them remains intact and unwavering.
- Financial assets, big or little there may be, should be mutually agreed by both parties and set out in a consent order approved by the court. This will ensure that neither party can return and make a financial claims against the other, making every step easier to take and legally binding.
- Lastly, cope with it. Acceptance is the key. It’s ok to cry and feel sad but do not let this linger for long. Give yourself a break, go out with friends, travel with the kids. Also, take time to explore your interests and learn new skills to divert your attention to more productive things. Take care of yourself too, physically and emotionally: get a makeover, engage more in family activities, and maintain a positive outlook in life.
Going through a separation or divorce process is hard, but taking things one day at a time, being with the right people, and making the right decisions will surely get you through.