When your child is struggling with their mental or emotional health, it can be harder even than if something was physically wrong with them. You can see a broken leg. You can take the doctor, who will show you a picture of the fracture and tell you how long it will take to heal.
Children dealing with mental or emotional challenges receive no such assurances. It’s hard to treat, or even identify mental anguish. As a parent, this struggle can leave you feeling helpless. What do you do about a problem that can’t be seen or touched?
Communication is an important step in helping your child heal. In this article, we take a look at a few tips that will help you connect more effectively with your child as they work through their mental health concerns.
Create a Safe Space
While the phrase “safe space,” has become politically loaded, its essential meaning is simple and uncontroversial. Your child needs to feel that they can say what is on their mind without receiving a big, troublesome reaction.
Establishing a “safe space,” (which is more of a mentality than it is a physical location) can be harder than many parents at first realize. You are going to have feelings about the things your child tells you. And, if the things they say are difficult to hear—for example, that they are struggling with their mental health—your natural reaction might be big and splashy.
While this is normal and healthy, it can have the unintended effect of making your child feel reluctant to share their feelings with you in the future.
In situations where your child does confide in you, it’s important to maintain a neutral, productive reaction. You can be emotional later, with your partner, or a friend. In the “safe space,” your child simply needs to be heard.
Listen Actively
Another consideration that is often easier said than done. So often when we speak to others, we are half listening, half preparing what we would like to say in response. Active listening requires you to stay fully in the moment until after the other person has completely finished speaking.
Listen to their words. Pay attention to their body language, their facial expressions, and any other way they choose to demonstrate their emotions. Not only will this make communication more productive, but it will also help you to better see past your preferences and biases and focus only on what your child is trying to communicate.
This important. You’ll most likely go into the conversation with a fixed idea of what they are going through and how you would like to move forward. This type of bias can make it very difficult to communicate effectively.
Demonstrate Empathy (and Mean it)
Simply listening to your child can go a long way toward making them feel less alone in their struggles with mental health. You can further improve the impact of your communications by actively demonstrating your empathy.
Make it clear that you have heard them. You understand what they are communicating, and you want to work with them to do whatever it takes to improve the situation.
Note that this does not necessarily mean responding in the way that they want you to. It simply means that your child will leave the interaction knowing they were heard.
Avoid Yes or No Questions
Yes or no questions have a way of shutting down conversations. Instead of asking lots of questions that warrant no more than one reward response, find ways to draw your child out with prompts that encourage them to clearly express themselves.
For example, instead of saying “Did you have a good day at school today?” say, “Tell me about your day at school.”
While the questions are basically the same, they can produce radically different responses.
Let Your Child Set the Pace
While you will undoubtedly feel extremely invested in this conversation, it’s important to let your child set the pace. They will probably need a little bit of time to warm up to the idea of sharing their most sensitive feelings.
If you press them too hard, they might just clam up. Instead, open the door to communication, and let them step through when they are comfortable.
Learn More About Mental Health
Knowledge is power. Your child is not the first person to feel the way they do. Learn more about their symptoms. Speak to a licensed professional about what steps you should take to ensure your child’s safety and eventual recovery.
Depending on what your child is experiencing, it may also be a good idea to talk to your school district about what your child is experiencing. They may have resources in place to help students deal with mental health difficulties.
Seek Professional Intervention
If it becomes clear that you cannot improve the situation internally, it is necessary to seek external help. Mental health professionals will be able to administer care that you can’t—be that in the form of targeted therapy, or even pharmaceutical intervention.
There are now more ways than ever to receive high-quality mental health services. Telehealth technology makes it easy to connect with licensed professionals all over the planet, giving your child many options for who to speak with and how they would like their care administered.
Model Good Mental Health Behavior
Finally, set the tone in your house by modeling good behavior. Be open and productive in how you express and cope with your feelings. Prioritize activities that are good for you—from healthy eating to regular rest and relaxation.
You may even decide that you could benefit from the services of a mental health professional. More than one-quarter of all adults express struggling with their mental health. Stress, anxiety, and depression are the most common causes of these struggles.
Of course, even if you aren’t struggling with your mental health, there are many ways to demonstrate good health practices at home. Being communicative and aware of your health will help your child to make good choices about theirs.
