How To Talk To Your Kids About Divorce

Divorce is one of the hardest things that a person will have to deal with in life. Not only is divorce emotionally and mentally exhausting, but it is also financially and sometimes even physically exhausting. Divorce happens for all kinds of reasons; and no matter the reason, it is a hard issue to overcome and deal with. Additionally, divorce is hard for everyone involved, however, it can be especially hard for the children of the divorcing couple.

If you are in the midst of getting divorced and have children with your soon to be ex, it’s important that you know how to talk to your kids about divorce. It’s crucial that you know how to talk to your kids about divorce in a constructive and calming way.  This post will give you some pointers on how to do that. 

Talking to Your Kids About Divorce

As you talk to your kids about divorce, there is a lot to keep in mind so that you don’t burden them with you and your soon to be ex’s issues. Here are some tips on how to talk to your child about divorce.

Don’t Talk About the Details

Divorces are hard, and with the stress and emotions that come with divorce, it’s likely that you are going to want to talk about how you are feeling. Talking about how you are feeling is absolutely acceptable and valid, however, it’s important that you talk about these feelings with someone that understands your situation, and that someone is not a child.

Talking about how you are feeling with your child will give your child details about the divorce that he or she does not need to know. Your child doesn’t need to know the specific reasons why you and your husband or wife are getting divorced; in fact, this may cause them emotional distress and anxiety. 

As you talk about divorce with your child, try to remain positive and constructive with your conversations. Instead of talking poorly of your marriage, explain the divorce in a way that will come off as a learning lesson to your child; perhaps mentioning how you are dealing with this life hardship. Whether your child is five or fifteen, it’s best that you don’t disclose details that they simply do not need to know.

Make Sure Not to Blame Anyone or Anything

This may be hard, especially if there is a sole reason that you are getting divorced; perhaps an affair or lies. However, your child does not need to be told what/who is to blame. By blaming a person or a specific situation, your child will end up feeling some of the stress and anxiety that you are feeling, and that isn’t fair. 

If there is a specific reason that you are getting divorced, don’t share this with your child at all, or at least not until he or she is older. Blaming someone or something will cause feelings of resentment within your child, feelings that are not healthy, and could impact him or her for the rest of his or her life.

Leave Money Out of It

Money is a big part of a divorce, whether it be a cause of divorce or the cost of the divorce, money is an inevitable issue. However, no matter what your financial situation is in terms of your divorce, you should never discuss it with your child. You should rarely ever discuss money with your child at all, but especially when it comes to divorce as they are likely already overwhelmed with emotions and confusion.

A Philadelphia appeals attorney pointed out that talking to children about money in terms of a divorce is unnecessary and can cause additional feelings of anxiousness and sadness. Building off of that point, your finances aren’t your child’s business anyway; so talking to them about the expenses of the divorce is unnecessary overall.

Don’t Stop Being a Parent During Your Divorce

Divorce is a trying time for everyone involved, your children included, that’s why you need to make it a point to be the best parent you can be during these stressful times. Your child is likely going to be confused and has questions, do your best to answer these questions to the best of your ability without disclosing too much information that will upset them more. Likewise, make an effort to offer unconditional support and understanding so that the divorce process is as easy as possible for your child. 

About the Author

Veronica Baxter is a legal assistant and blogger living and working in the great city of Philadelphia. She frequently works with Todd Mosser, Esq., a busy Philadelphia appeals attorney.