Did you recently make the big decision to call off your marriage? If yes, apart from dealing with the emotional, legal, and financial consequences of divorce, one of the most painful and difficult conversations you will ever face is talking to your kids about your plan to divorce. When you are already sure about the fact that you will be separating from your spouse, it is important to disclose the matter to your kids before they hear it from someone else.
Can you imagine how upsetting it can be for your kid to hear about your divorce from another friend or an adult? Children are highly sensitive to remember this conversation, what you say, when you say it, and where you say it. This is why it is advised that you should work it out with your spouse and decide to inform them beforehand.
- Do a quick plan about what you will say
Make sure you always protect your kids from your anger or resentment by planning when, what, and how to tell your kids. You might disclose this heartbreaking news on a day that allows some family time, like maybe a weekend. Don’t do the mistake of sharing about your divorce on a special day or a holiday or just before bedtime. In case you find it impossible to speak with your spouse, you might choose to use the services of a divorce coach, a mediator, a counselor, or a lawyer. Just as Las Vegas fatal accident lawyers will help you with your accident cases, divorce lawyers will similarly offer their helping hand during such complex situations.
- Be together while talking to your children
If you already share a hateful relationship with your spouse, this step can be hard but you have to do it for your kids to know that you both are committed to working together as parents. It is also imperative that your children get this news directly from you and not from a sibling who has already heard it before him. So, if you have two kids of different ages, plan ahead of time to share the basic information with your kids together. If the elder one has questions, you can follow up with him in a separate conversation later.
- The narrative should be non-blaming
Stop the blame game and say whose fault it was in front of your kids. You may want your children to be a part of the truth, where you want to say that your mom had an affair or your dad is leaving for no reason, but this won’t be good for their mental health. Your children will feel caught in the middle where they will be confused about their loyalty towards each parent and this is certainly not a healthy thing for them. Sharing the truth with your kids is much less important than providing the reference and support that they need.
- Inform your kids what will stay the same and what will change
The most important query that kids usually have is how your divorce will affect their lives. They will immediately want to know who they are going to live with, and how their lives are going to change. By being honest with them about the changes that will occur in their lives, you can help your children be prepared to accept them. If you have already discussed with your spouse how you are going to share the time and responsibility of your kids, let them know about it.
Your children will take time to adjust to this big change. You might be confident about your future vision for them but it will definitely take some time to check out what the future holds in reality.
