8 Ways to Know Your New Partner Is Safe for Your Children

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Searching for a partner after having kids requires a change in perspective. Instead of prioritizing your needs, you must find someone who puts your kids first. These are a few things to consider when evaluating if your new partner is safe for your children. You’ll figure out the right time to introduce everyone if they meet these qualifications.

1. Talk About Their View of Children

Some people will want to date you but decline because they don’t want kids. Others may be fine with the idea of their partner having kids but might not feel comfortable when they have to interact with children.

Ask your partner if they want kids, if they have kids and if they have a history of taking care of children. They may naturally get along with kids and know how to entertain them if they’re a teacher or regularly take care of younger family members. 

2. Reflect on How They Treat You

Anyone can say nice things while starting a relationship. The actual value of their words will shine through their actions. Consider how your partner treats you to determine if they’re safe for your children. They’ll know how to treat your children with kindness and love if they do healthy things for your relationship like:

  • Uplift you with compliments and encouragement
  • Apologize without you having to ask for it first
  • Make plans that include you and your children

The right partner will demonstrate how they value your safety and happiness through their actions. If they display positive signs like these, they’ll likely treat your children the same way.

3. Consider if You’re Trying to Fix Them

You may really like someone but want them to wait on meeting your kids until one particular aspect of your relationship gets fixed. If that thing is part of your partner’s personality, that could be a sign that they shouldn’t meet your children.

Narcissists will make promises and leave them unfulfilled, leading empathic partners to believe there’s something they can do to fix that person and restore their shared trust. It’s never up to you to fix someone else. They should want to actively work on something preventing your relationship from being healthy if they’re going to be a good role model around your kids.

4. See if They Respect Your Boundaries

Everyone needs boundaries in relationships. Does your partner respect the things or actions you don’t prefer? Experts advise setting boundaries early in relationships to see if your partner respects you even if they disagree.

You might request that they don’t text you after a specific time of night so you can focus on getting your kids to bed and decompressing. If they continually text you after that time passes, you’ll know they don’t care about your needs. They’ll likely not care about the safety boundaries you place between them and your kids either.

5. Discuss Your Shared Values

The way you raise your children comes from your values. Your partner will be safe for your children if you share the same foundational values, so talk about them early in the relationship. Discuss how you want to raise your kids, what you don’t want them around and the things you value most in life.

If your partner disagrees about something — like not caring about raising your kids in your preferred religion or avoiding curse words around them — they may not be the best potential person for your family.

Talking about your values could also be easier while discussing your past relationships. People break up for various reasons, but you may disagree with how your date treated their last partner or ended the relationship. It demonstrates their priorities, how they view people and how they handle disagreements. Those could be healthy qualities your kids learn to replicate or things they should avoid.

6. Note Any Red Flags

Listen to your gut as your relationship progresses. Red flags may come up during dates, phone calls and text messages. Are they red flags that could affect your kids? Someone who shows up late to dates or doesn’t ever call you could demonstrate a red flag that they won’t prioritize your kids because they aren’t prioritizing you.

Red flags could also arise while discussing your future. Does your partner picture a future with you in it? Do they make plans that include you and could potentially be kid-friendly? They should put the same effort into fostering a long-term relationship as you do. It’s a sign of mutual love and respect, which they’ll give to your kids because they highly value you.

Find a Safe Partner

Bringing someone home to your children is a big deal. These are a few ways to know if your partner is safe for your children before reaching that point. Look for red flags and positive signs to make the best decision about taking your relationship to the next level and potentially introducing your kids to their future parent.

About Author

LaDonna Dennis

LaDonna Dennis is the founder and creator of Mom Blog Society. She wears many hats. She is a Homemaker*Blogger*Crafter*Reader*Pinner*Friend*Animal Lover* Former writer of Frost Illustrated and, Cancer...SURVIVOR! LaDonna is happily married to the love of her life, the mother of 3 grown children and "Grams" to 3 grandchildren. She adores animals and has four furbabies: Makia ( a German Shepherd, whose mission in life is to be her attached to her hip) and Hachie, (an OCD Alaskan Malamute, and Akia (An Alaskan Malamute) who is just sweet as can be. And Sassy, a four-month-old German Shepherd who has quickly stolen her heart and become the most precious fur baby of all times. Aside from the humans in her life, LaDonna's fur babies are her world.

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