Tips for Rekindling Neglected Friendships

Nearly every adult has a number of friendships they’ve been neglecting for a multitude of possible reasons. As we get older, friendships tend to take a backseat to work, family obligations and various other adult responsibilities. While losing touch with friends is a perfectly normal part of life, this doesn’t mean you should simply resign yourself to parting ways with some of your favorite people. So, if there are any neglected friendships that you’re looking to rekindle, put the following pointers to practical use.

Be the One to Reinitiate Contact 

The longer you go without speaking to a friend, the easier it is to become trapped in a noncommunication loop, with both of you believing that the other should be the one who reinitiates contact. In addition, you’re both liable to think that the other party’s lack of communication is an unmistakable sign that they no longer wish to remain friends. 

While breaking free of this line of thought can be difficult, it’s in your best interest to swallow your pride and be the one to reach out. You may worry that making the first move makes you appear vulnerable, but it’s certainly preferable to never speaking to a treasured friend again. In fact, you’re liable to find that your friend is every bit as eager to hear from you as you were to hear from them. 

Expecting the other party to do all the heavy lifting is perfectly understandable. After all, it’s easy to get caught up in personal pride and believe that you’re the only one feeling the sting of noncommunication. However, a good friendship is a two-way street, and expecting a friend to do something you refuse to do – i.e., pick up the phone – is simply unreasonable.  

Reconnect Over a Shared Cause 

Common interests and shared causes can help form the basis of your reconnection with a good friend. Taking part in volunteer opportunities together can be a great way to contribute to your favorite causes while strengthening a rekindled friendship. For instance, if you and a friend are committed to helping stamp out domestic terrorism, the two of you should consider seeking out ways to assist counterterrorism organizations.     

Understand That People Move at Their Own Pace 

When attempting to rekindle any friendship, there’s a possibility that one party will be more excited than the other. If you haven’t communicated with someone in many years, expecting them to be over the moon after hearing from you may not be realistic. In the time since your last interaction, this individual may have undergone a wide variety of personal changes and shifted their priorities away from old friendships. Furthermore, even if this isn’t the case, they may not be in the best position to jump back into a long-dormant friendship at the present time.

So, if the other party doesn’t share your level of enthusiasm, try not to take this as a repudiation of you as a person. It’s entirely possible that they have other things occupying their thoughts and need more time to process the idea of rekindling your friendship. That being the case, avoid contacting someone excessively in the immediate wake of getting back in touch with them. This is liable to make them feel overwhelmed and result in the postponement of your rekindling. Instead, give your friend time to respond at their leisure, and make it clear that there’s no pressure to get back to you in an expedient manner.  

You should also emotionally prepare for the possibility that the other party may not be interested in resuming your friendship at this time. Depending on their current priorities and the kinds of changes they’ve experienced since you were last in contact, they may no longer have the bandwidth to fit you into their life. 

As we enter adulthood, friendships tend to occupy much lower positions on our respective priority lists. With so much time taken up by work, family and other obligations synonymous with adulthood, many adults simply stop making and keeping friends. However, while staying in touch with every friend you’ve ever made may be unrealistic, this doesn’t mean that you should give up on friendship altogether. Anyone looking for effective ways to get a neglected friendship back on track should take heed of the tips discussed above.