The divorce rate in the US is falling, but despite this, the US has one of the highest divorce rates in the world. Around 45% of first marriages end in divorce, with second marriages even more likely to end. Unfortunately, children are the vulnerable parties when a marriage ends and too many parents ignore the needs of their kids in favor of scoring shots against their spouse. With one in two children experiencing the breakup of their parent’s marriage, there are a lot of children dealing with trauma.
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Put Your Children’s Needs First
It’s important to put the needs of your child first if you are divorcing your spouse. Parents have a lot of decisions to make when they decide to file for divorce, such as how to divide up assets from the marriage and who is going to be the primary caregiver for the children. These are all decisions best undertaken with a cool head and advice from a divorce lawyer.
The most important thing to consider when getting divorced is the emotional wellbeing of your children. While you may feel relief at the idea of ending an unhappy marriage, your children will be conflicted and confused at the thought of a parent leaving the family.
Common Issues Faced by Children of Divorcing Parents
Children of divorced parents often suffer from abandonment issues. They may be fearful that if one parent has left them, the other parent might also leave. It is also common for children to be angry at their parents. They might blame their mom if dad has left, or vice versa. Younger children often suffer from insecurity and rejection, and all kids might feel stuck in the middle of two warring parents, especially if they are asked to choose sides.
The consequence of all these issues children experience is that they may begin to have problems at school or act out at home. A child whose parents are divorcing will likely become angry, clingy, and disobedient. They might revert to habits they grew out of a while back, such as wetting the bed or separation anxiety.
Parents need to pay close attention to their children if they are divorcing. Be alert to any issues your children are experiencing, so you can help them.
Make sure your children understand that none of what’s happening is their fault. Let them know you both love them and will always love them, even if you no longer live together.
Do not play the blame game in front of the children. Bad-mouthing your spouse while the children are present only causes confusion and guilt.
Don’t try and hide what is happening from the children. Talk to them calmly and explain the facts in a non-emotional way. Let them ask questions and provide answers where possible. Your children are going to want to know where the other parent is living and why they are leaving.
Consider Family Counselling
Finally, book some sessions with a family counselor even if you think the kids are OK and everyone is coping. Some children are very good at hiding their true feelings and may not be coping as well as you think.
No matter how hard the divorce is for you, don’t lose sight of the fact that it is equally hard, if not harder, for your children. However, if a divorce is managed sensibly and with compassion on all sides, everyone will get through it without suffering long-term damage.
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