Healing His Heart: Gentle Ways to Help Him Deal With His Fear of Commitment

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You can’t live with them but you definitely can’t live without a man, a committed one at that.  However, he’s not so quick to pledge his undying allegiance.  Don’t fret.  It’s not you.  It’s him.  You could leave him.  You could force him into a more committed relationship.  Yet it’s best to heal his heart and help him deal with his fear of a close relationship.  Learn why guys don’t commit and common mistakes some women make.

Reasons Guys Won’t Commit

It’s Not a Loss But an Addition

Men are afraid they’ll lose freedom and a part of themselves if they commit to a relationship. You have to reassure him that he’s not losing himself but gaining a life with you.  Sure, some guys have horror stories related to overbearing girlfriends and wives who no longer allow them to hang with friends or be an individual.  However, you must remind him that you love him as an individual – you fell in love with him afterall.  Plus, you’ll want to maintain girl time too.  You can maintain freedom while gaining a companion.

You’re Better Than the Others

People who have ‘emotional baggage’ and can’t get over a former heartbreak or horrible relationship will be reluctant to get close again.  You don’t want to hear him ramble on about his former girlfriend but take note of what he didn’t like about the former relationships.  Assure him, or better yet show him, that you’re better than the others and this relationship is incomparable to disasters of the past.

Ongoing Sex is Better Than One-Offs

Men love to fantasize.  They think of the women and sexual encounters they’ll be missing when in a relationship despite the fact they’d be home alone watching late night cable.  Obviously, ongoing sex with one partner is better than periodic encounters with random women.  As the level of intimacy grows, the sex gets better.  And there’s no reason to keep things stale.  Assure him that you can be adventurous and can keep things exciting.

It’s a Democracy and Not a Dictatorship

Again, men hear horror stories about women who will not compromise and make the lives of husbands and boyfriends a living hell.  Healthy relationships require compromise and two heads are much better than one.  Remind him that you’re looking forward to making decisions as a couple and not as a needy or overbearing dictator.

The Death of Personal Space

Men think a committed relationship means that they’ll be shopping for shoes around the clock and attending baby showers.  Being in a relationship does not mean the end to one’s personal space.  Some people need alone time to re-energize or enjoy hobbies.  Some people need more personal space and alone time, but people in healthy relationships give each other space.

There’s Never a Perfect Time

When’s the right time to get a new job?  When is it perfect timing to get married?  At what age should you have your first child?  The answer is different for all people and depends on a number of factors.  The fact is that there is no perfect time and some guys may think they are not ready for a commitment.  That is just an excuse.  If they care about you and love being around you, then the time is definitely right!

Common Mistakes Made by Women

Sex Does not Guarantee a Commitment

Some women think if they have sex with a guy then he’ll be more likely to commit.  That is not true and sex does not equal a commitment; it’s a part of larger and more intimate relationship.  Don’t rush into sex hoping that it will make him more loyal or want to stay.  In worst case scenarios, you may have sex sooner than you want while he feel manipulated by your actions.

Be Upfront and Genuine

People play a lot of games and some mystery is healthy, but if you want a commitment from him, you need to be upfront and honest.  Let him know of your ultimate intentions, and if it scares him off then let him go.  There are ways to make him commit but honesty is usually the best policy.

A Good Relationship Is Not Built in a Day

Realize that men need time to reflect and think about things.  Some women want to settle things on the spot, yet all guys don’t work that way, and some are scared off by the sentiment.  If you’re serious about him then you have to give him time to register the information, think about it, and get back to you on his terms.  If you push the subject or force him into an immediate conversation, it can make a reluctant person more introverted and not willing to talk.

Summer O’Donnell is a relationship expert. She writes about love and lust for a variety of men’s and women’s lifestyle blogs.

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